Garden update

The freezing rains are killing my plants so new plants will have to wait. Here is the Zen garden finished until Spring. Also an announcement about who the mystery publisher is soon and at the end of the month a VERY important post about the Medicine Man. Stay tuned guys.

Meds or Drugs

Okay so today I am rocking out to, “Lips like Morphine” and waiting for my doctor to call and hopefully give me another option for my nueropathy and pain other than opiates... but since it's spreading so fast there may not be another option. My neuropathy has spread to the skin around my eyes and as consequence it feels always as if there are needles in my eyes and that freaks me out.

So instead of fussing any more. I called my sponsor and he informed me that if Rxed by a doctor and taken by label instructions it is NOT considered a relapse. I will get someone in my family to dispense whatever I am given as a safe-guard but it is good to know that even an addict does not have to suffer a terrible and maddening disease simply because they are an addict. You see that is the difference between meds and drugs, and that difference is vast.

Were you also aware that as a med they are able to remove the part of the drug that causes the feelings of “high” and “Low?' after a little research I found out that medical marijuana is not at all like partying... as a matter of fact it is a pill. That is very important to me because if I had to think of, “Wow now I have been sober long enough to handle it,” OR “Wow! Remember when me and my friends were having so much fun,” I would relapse before I’d even gotten the Rx filled.

They say the further you are from your last drink the closer you are to your next drink. I totally get that. As soon as I start believing that there will come a day when I can, “drink like a gentleman,” is the day I lose it all. That day will never come. I will always have an allergic reaction and a mental obsession with drinking and drugging once I start using. We are never cured. There is no cure. Science may one day accomplish this, but it has not done so yet. But rest assured if there was a pill that cured drug use, I as an alcoholic would take four of them.

So all of this is a bit heavy for me to deal with but perhaps that is just the pain and the unknown talking. I know my doctor and I know he is not going to intentionally administer something that would make me relapse. (in AA there are varying opinions of how meds should be handled, I am only giving you mine. I would never assume to speak for an entire program.)

That's my side of it,

Angel 

No blog AA and sick husband! See you tomorrow! xxoo

AA and the Black Suit

AA and the black suit

A serious post because the reality of my disease strikes. Not the SM that forces me into a wheelchair and threatens to snap my spine and leave me brain dead, that disease is not the truly serious one that I speak of now. The much worse disease in my life is... addiction.

I know what you are thinking... “Oh just put down the bottle and you're fine. Very easy!” well if you just thought that you are ignorant of what my disease... the disease of alcoholism and drug addiction is. A little partying never hurt anyone right? Think again.

The first thing a good sponsor will tell you is buy a black suit, in here you are going to need it a lot. That is true we go to a LOT of funerals in AA. In the rare event that we are lucky the person died of natural causes while in sobriety... but sadly that is very rare.

Before I left Florida I attended two different rooms, my home group and the club. In those two rooms ( in each state we have hundreds of rooms) in just those two rooms combined over 40 people died... only 3 of which died in sobriety. The rest went back out. We all want to get sober. Some of us just run out of time. But make no mistake active alcoholism or addiction is a terminal disease. This disease will kill you in the blink of an eye and it doesn't discriminate. If we wish to show love and give meaning to those tragedies of those who died drinking and drugging then the only thing left to do is LEARN FROM THEM. Even they have a lesson to teach you.

We had a girl about 17 in our home group, she was married with two tiny children. She and her husband came into the rooms. They had separated because as a couple they couldn't stop using. She had almost a year sober. She had found a couch in AA and a grant to go to school. She was waitressing and doing odd jobs to support her kids that she had lost custody of. She came to one meeting every day, three if it was her day off. We were all so proud of her. Somebody even signed over their old clunker so she could get to school in the next county. The week before she was supposed to have her kids signed back it was her birthday. Well she decided to celebrate.

One drink was all it took to restart the addiction. They found her body the next day. She had been gang raped, gagged, bound and her body thrown in a dumpster and set on fire. Her blood alcohol level was three times the legal limit. She was just a little girl. I believe her kids would want you to respect her. If you do... learn from her.

Everyone in this world has something to teach you. It is hard to feel all alone. The only way around that is to learn their lessons... all of their lessons... even the ugly lessons. So my prayer is this:

1. Learn from them and

2. that you never have to take out your black suit or have someone take theirs out for you.

That's my side of it,

Angel

www.streetlighthalo.com

Silly Valentines

Hey guys... I'm so excited about my upcoming book release that I am in a terribly silly mood. So....

What if...

1. Bugs are just an experiment created by the government to study how many living things women will spray with hair spray?

2. we put a window in the refrigerator? Would the light stay on forever?

3. the chicken or the egg didn't come first? What if the Colonel did?

4. a mad scientist finally broke the code for DNA and when he looked through the microscope it said, “Once upon a time?”

5. “The Second Coming” was originally called, “Jesus the Sequel,” but it just looked silly on His resume?

Fun Things To Do For Valentine's Day:

1. Get a phone book and write the first 50 strangers letters of apology for being such a jerk. Inform them that you miss them and want to come back.

2. Send bouquets to your neighbor's dog for a week. When your neighbor inquires explain that Fido takes you on long walks.

3. Buy your spouse a lovely card that says those three little words, “You're still wrong!”

4. Stomp into work on Valentine's Day and when people inquire state that you are “No longer talking to yourself because you won't respond to your Face Book friend's requests!”

5. When people ask to see a picture of your spouse, get out a photo of your hand.

That's my side of it,

Angel

www.streetlighthalo.com

Talking backwards, Thinking Straight

Talking Backwards, Thinking Straight

Did you ever stop to think how very many old adages and sayings that exist in the English language that are actually said backwards? Well not backwards but to put not too fine a point on it, would be better served if they were said the other way around?

Firstly, let's talk about, “Seeing is believing.” While it is true the opposite would be truer. Let me explain, Let's imagine that your dream is to... sell cookies. Your recipe is a family secret but you feel you could make a living off of just that. If this is your mindset for an extended period and you want it badly enough you might go to a culinary school, find investors and at some point establish an actual working business. In this scenario it is the belief in your recipe that caused you to manifest a business in your physical world. So in this instance it would be better said as,“ Believing is seeing.”

Sometimes we say, “Ignorance is bliss.” You've all heard that right? But as I have examined my life a few too many times I have realized that it was not actually the “good times” that gave me the tools for survival. It was the “bad times” that left me equipped with the tools and lessons that were required to figure out the next problem I needed to work out in my life. Not that laughter is bad, we require comic relief to stay sane, but it is the times where we struggle that teach us how to make the next struggle easier. So in this instance a more correct thing to say would be, “Bliss is ignorance,” because good times teach me silliness but not a lot about survival.

This blog was a total blast to write. I love how much fun it was to consider the words and their meanings, so I may well post another like this later.

I have a blog planned this month about the Medicine Man also... so stay tuned because that one is highly important to me!

That's my side of it,

Angel

www.streetlighthalo.com

Stuff I did!

Hey dudes! S'up? Lol

I am in a very good mood. Though no one gets back to me about fixing my canceled benefits or surgery or meds I am sky-high anyway! I love organizing things. I love my literacy fest ads and calling vendors, making promos... it keeps me out of my twisted head. Last night I put designs of characters for an excellent book series Hamilton Troll books (think Dr. Seuss meets Bill Nye) I printed the character's faces and cut them out of sticker paper to transfer the designs to individually wrapped candy. They came out so adorable! That's a nice freebie at a book signing or classroom lecture. I love the books too... there really aren't a lot of engrossing science books for kids so if you want to pick up some of those that link is:

http://www.hamiltontroll.com/

This is not the first thing I have ever organized! Not to blow my own horn but to tell you the story and the medicinal purposes of helping others, I tell you a little story. Way back when Haiti was wiped out by a hurricane there was here at the same time an ice storm that knocked out an entire Indian Reservation. The storm was so bad that it snapped telephone poles and buried entire houses... but even though people couldn't even be dug out everyone was only concerned with Haiti. It was the only thing on the news then. So I stayed up with little to no rest for weeks cold calling churches, newspapers, grocery stores, other reservations... everyone I could think of. I was turned away so many times... even by churches and charitable organizations. What I did accomplish (my friends and I actually) was to get an article in a small newspaper, 2 trucks of supplies sent and a donation drive, door to door that cost hundreds to mail. We weren't able to get money donations but at least we were able to get people a little help. I even had a couple of reservations turn me away, but I couldn't give up. Some of these people were vets, a lot of them elders and people with small children. I couldn't look away.

What did I get in return? 2 weeks before that I was in bed wondering if the only way out of the relationship was violence. I had lost the will to live... not suicidal but just terribly depressed. What did it do for me? Got me out of bed, got me to start bathing and eating again and kept me from thinking about how useless I felt. If the value of that were monetary I think it would easily outweigh a couple of trucks of supplies. Don't you?

Not to preach but this IS why Jesus said, “Do unto others, Love thy neighbor..” This is why every creative religion and creative theology states that you should give more honor to others than you do thought for yourself. It is because the benefits and emotional, psychological pay back is like a billion times more than the energy you just spent. It can change a mindset. It can move a heart. It can change a life.

There is an old song that says, “Charity is the coat you wear twice a year.” My advice is put that coat on every day.... THEN you will be the richest man in the world.

That's my side of it,

Angel

www.streetlighthalo.com