Silly 2

Last day of the sale! Buy at lulu.com

 Interview with Illustrator Emma Idiot

Reporter: Hello! I'd like to wish a happy day to all our viewers out there from station WDUH and welcome our exclusive guest illustrator of the new book, “Real Live Dead things,” artistic prodigy, Emma Idiot. Good Morning, Emma. Tell us, what sets you apart from other illustrators?

Emma: Well, it's because I use a different material when I draw than other artists.

Reporter: Oh, lovely. It doesn't look like pastel. Can you tell us your secret?

Emma: Sure. I draw with live chickens. Pretty hard to dip them in the ink though, so I have my inkwells custom made by Fruitbowls R Us. I like their stuff, but I'm tired of their false advertising. So, I might change that brand.

Reporter: Oh? False advertising is a pretty serious charge.

Emma: Yeah, well, so is writing serving bowl on the package! That stupid bowl can't play tennis at all, man! I know! I tested it!

Reporter: Uh? What?

Emma: Yeah, that and their gravy boat doesn't float at all. But I still think the Country Club owes me an apology for implying I broke their bowl and throwing me out. What kinda weirdos name their serving bowls anyways?

Repoter: They named the bowl?

Emma: Well, yeah. Named it Crystal. I mean it looked like a male bowl to me. How'd they know, anyway? Were they, like, asking it out in their free time, like taking it to dinner or what?

Reporter: Have you ever been sized for a helmet Emma?

Emma: Well, yeah, but the crap of it is they don't make them in blueberry. I'm allergic to strawberries, you know.

Reporter: Well, thanks for … uh … sharing. Guess my career is basically over now.

Emma: Wow! You should become a sculptor. I got some hamsters that are unemployed, too! You guys could team up. I can let you have all except the transvestite one.

Reporter: Excuse me? You own a transvestite hamster?

Emma: Yeah, he's been having some issues. So I climbed up in the attic and got him his Grandfather's wedding dress. It comforts him. He's a cross breed, y'know.

Reporter: That's very interesting, but...

Emma: No, it's true! A very rare cross breed! His mother was a cactus.

Reporter: That's um... disturbing.

Emma; Not really. His father was a really old can of spam! He gets his intelligence from that side of his family.

Reporter: Ok, well, that reminds me that I really must go refill my prescription for Valium. So, that's it for today.

Emma: I traced his family tree. His great grandpappy was a trans am.

Reporter: How exactly did you trace his family tree? HE'S A #$%^& HAMSTER!

Emma: I know, right? It was really hard to do, but once I found a place that sold 50 foot tracing paper and chalk, I was ready to go!

Reporter: Call 9-1-1. I'm having an aneurism. CUT! CUT!

Emma: Look, my aunt was a nurse. An aneurism and a cut are two entirely different injuries.

Reporter: Call my agent! I quit! I'm going back to safe, happy stories like covering mental institutions.

Emma: Mental Institutions don't treat aneurysms. Who needs a helmet now?

PS Today I went shopping without my chair or cane! (in heels!)