Writing jokes repost

I was talking to a writing friend last night and also another one today and they've made me realize how lonely it really is to be a writer. It sort of is you know.... writing the book is the easy part. Then comes promotion. You know book launches and promos and intense internet time building a fan-base, blogging, tweeting or what have you. Spouses and families tend to feel left out and it causes such drama in happy home after a while. But don't get all glum, I'll try my best to keep the mood light tonight, what with it being the holidays and everyone being stressed.

So here's a fun fact about a writer, someone you might have heard of a guy I like to call Shakespeare. TRUTH Shakespeare left his wife and his son Hamlet to pursue a writing career years before he met his African/Jewish mistress for which Othello was written. Now we all know that this is a fact, we learned it in English Comp and also history. But what if it had happened today? Let's have a peek at that scenario.

William S : I have left mine wife to play with puns and the craft of words because my agent said it was best for mine career. Besides she was overly scorned amongst all mine time on Fate Book and mine book launch at Barnes & Noblemen.

Desdemona: She is a right harlot and canst not understand thee as I canst.

William S: Aye! There's the rub; whether tis nobler in the mind to suffer the slings and arrows....

Desdemona: Oh what the hell art thou talking about now? Can't thou speak English?

Imagine also just the long talk with an editor that Mark Twain would have now:

Editor: We can't have this character in Tom Sawyer being an actual … well his grammar.... it isn't educated you see. We'll be liable.

Mark T: But he isn't supposed to be educated. He's an ex-slave.

Editor: Well the entire slavery thing is just really offensive and oppressive. You'll have to change that you see.

Mark T: . Hence the lack of education

Editor: We don't want to portray people as ignorant. This'll have to be edited out. Simply change that character and then it'll be perfect!

Mark T: Change him to what?

Editor: We were thinking a middle-aged accountant in Boise, Idaho would work better.

Imagine George Orwell trying to submit his book 1984 to a publishing house now. What might their response be?

Dear Mr. Orwell,

Thank you for submitting your work to our house. We will not however be interested in your manuscript at this time. A good critique would be of service to you as we find the term Big Brother to be sexist. Any woman can be just as iron-fisted as a man and just as ferociously uncaring (but at only half the pay.) Also it is politically incorrect to point out anyone's gender, totalitarianism dictatorship or not. That kind of behavior is not only gender-insensitive, it also we tend to find evokes feelings of sadness and fear, whereas we want monotone feelings of inspiration for all equally.

Thank you for your submission and best of luck in your future publishing ventures.

PS. We also feel your title 1984 is not only out-dated but makes the other calendar years feel “left out,” which is not something we want to do to our demographics.

That's my side of it,

Angel