The Function of Sponsors

The function of sponsors

Happy Birthday Happy

It might be belated but tonight I'd like to say a huge Happy Birthday to my sponsor... and the best sponsor I've ever had. So tonight I give you a way too personal story about me.

My Pappaw who was the hugest influence in my entire life had died. I was stuck, hopelessly it seemed in a dangerous relationship. I also had no money or means to leave at that time. The 3 main reasons a drunk will relapse are:

1. Death

2. Finances

3. Relationships.

Believe it or not of all 3 relationships are statistically the number one reason... but let's just say at that moment I had all three.

I called Happy crying at 3 in the morning almost every night for a month. Funny thing, if you do that to loved ones they will get angry and hang-up... but in AA we always answer the “God Phone” to keep one another sober. To me that is love and it took AA years to teach it to me.

So back to the story. Pretty much the month went like this:

Happy: Hello, don't you own a clock?

Me: You know I can't call when @#$% awake. He won't let me and I hate him. But I called because I miss my Pappaw and I don't care about being sober. I just want the pain to stop.

At first my sponsor would listen and advise. He would let me cry it out but insisted I go to a meeting because I was “blooming.” that basically means you are 10 seconds from relapse.

This was the conversation we had every night for a month or so, until one day Happy had had it with my non-action to fix any of the crap I was in. It was that night that he said maybe the most spiritual words I ever heard. The conversation kinda went:

M: I'm done. I've had it. I'm hitting the liquor store tomorrow.

H: Well you go ahead and do that then. If you want to piss on your Pappaw's grave it ain't my business.

M: WTF DID YOU JUST SAY TO ME?

H: You heard me. Go ahead and piss on his grave. You know that no one was prouder than your Pappaw was of your sobriety. Do what you want!

(Dial-tone)

It really hit me so hard, but when the anger fell away I remembered my sober-birthday of 17 years. I remembered my Pappaw polishing my medallion, holding it high to let the light hit it, reading both sides, polishing it some more. He did this for an hour. He absolutely beamed that I had finally gotten my shit together. How upset would he be if I took a drink and used his death as an excuse? What would that behavior say about what his life meant to me? I totally got it. The urge to drink just fell away.

Let me explain... a proper sponsor will be mean if that's what it takes to save your life. When you have a sponsor that knows you this well you will understand what that means. It is VERY true that still at 23 years sober I still need a good ass-kicking once in a while.

That willingness to get your ass kicked here and there is called, “Surrender.” I had no problem going to any lengths to get my drink or drug. In all earnest I must also be willing to go to any lengths to maintain my sobriety.

You may think this is cruelty, but it has saved my ass from death. I know if I were to relapse I would never again have that resolve it takes to sober up. We say in AA, “Everyone has another relapse in them. But very few have another recovery.”

So in light of that I'd like to thank Happy (Robert Kay) for kicking my ass when I need it. For being a soft shoulder when I need it. For answering the God Phone when I need it. And basically every little thing he does every day just being about the greatest drunk I ever met. (Besides me of course. I'm pretty sure that it really is all about me you know!)

That's my side of it,

Angel

www.streetlighthalo.com