Birthday
Beauty Tips
45
years old tomorrow.... and the real piss off is I completely believed
I was going to be 44. Then my sponsor in his infinite wisdom made me
do the math as he is really quite bossy (He must be an alcoholic!) so
I got a calculator... and I did the math. @#$%^&! To my great
chagrin I saw the number 45 and freaked. I even tried turning the
calculator upside down to see if maybe it was trying to spell out a
secret birthday message.... and it was. A message that said...”Angel
you are OLD!.”
Then
it occurred to me that just the other day my sister was telling me
how young I look. People say that a lot. My beauty tips are very
simple... I might share them with you here today so that you can use
them. My first and greatest beauty tip is not “think young,” as
most people will say. The truth of my beauty is this greatly guarded
secret (unbeknownst even to me) If you don't know how to count you
will never know how old you are and so you won't age.
But
in the light of that last paragraph, “Think young” is a nice
thought, though I tend to go straight for crazy every time. However
“Finding your inner child” is a form of one of my beauty
secrets.... I found mine and the little bitch was screaming so I
stuffed her mouth with lots of oreos and we felt much better!
Being
around children is very helpful for this. If you play by yourself at
my age people tend to back slowly away from you... I know I've tried
it. If however you are playing hide -and-seek with little kids people
might mistake you for an excellent parent! So I have come up with a
beauty secret theory if I can get my daughter to have Grandbabies...
I can get discounts at Toys-R-Us. I'm hoping she has a boy at some
point as they have a much better quality of toys!!!
Being
comfortable in my own skin is another. Since I was taught in AA that
our problems a lot of the time can be attributed to not being
comfortable in our own skin, I formed an idea. Because I am an alkie
and the grass is always greener... I decided I would try putting on
someone else's skin just to be safe in the knowledge that my own is
superior. Since I couldn't afford plastic surgery I decided maybe I
could just lease some. So I looked in the phone book and tried to
find out where the local zombies hold their support groups... but
they weren't listed. A friend told me I might now need some serious
help so I decided to call and ask Paranoid's Anonymous for a bit of
help. Unfortunately they wouldn't tell me where they were meeting. So
I finally decided the skin I have would just have to do. It's better
that way too.. it fits without alterations and I have scared off most
of the tailors in town with questions about zombies.
That's
my old side of it,
Angel
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