Just say NO!

Just say, “NO!”

A very nice lady who works at a recovery center sent me an article today for my website. Let me tell you I can't of course post everything sent to me and I'm really not supposed to look at them because of the AA Traditions and so on... but just like a little kid, I don't always do what I'm supposed to.... and just like a little kid doing what I'm not supposed to is naughty so I tend to do it more! Lol

I loved the part in the article about as we said in the classroom, “Just say no.” We sadly have to deter them from terrible things at a younger age. The thing I took issue with is using Mom as an excuse, IE “My mom would kill me.” My own opinion which is probably admittedly worth a lot less than a cup of coffee is that we don't have to teach most kids how to say, “NO!” to their friends. They are pretty astute at doing that already. Case in point a conversation from one of my pre-K classes long ago:

Kid 1: Let's eat the clay!

Kid 2: No.

Kid 1: How come?

Kid 2: Cuz you're stupid.

(And of course they argue and are best friends again three minutes later. Kids know how to talk to their friends and how to stand up to them as well. Here's how the “Mom excuse” scenario plays out in a classroom.

Kid 1: Let's throw spitballs.

Kid 2: NO! My mom would kill me!

Kid 1: You always do what your mom says! You're a big baby! Hey X is afraid of his Mommy!

This scenario leaves the child open to bullying, derision and trying to explain something that he or she might not have the tools for yet. And I have to say I've seen it backfire with chicken-like clucking more than once.... yes joyfully, even in my living-room on play-dates.

What I did with Sarah was very different and this actually might not work with your own child as every kid is different... the exchange went something like this:

S: We learned to just say No. You can't smoke anymore! It's a drug. ( I still smoke.)

Me: Sarah what drugs did you learn? Name them.

Sarah: Smoking, alcohol, marijuana.

Me: Do you even know what those things are?

Sarah: Cigarettes are smoking!

Me: Ok, true. The other things? Do you know what they are? Do you know what drugs are?

Sarah: No but the teacher said they will kill you.

Me: So? You're just going to say No to stuff when you don't know what that stuff is? How do you say No to something if you don't know what it is?

Sarah: I dunno. I'm just saying what the teacher said.

I told her I was proud of her for listening and then I found pics (not graphic) in books to show her what to say no to. I never once had to tell her how to talk to her friends or stand-up to peer-pressure. Instead I had to show her what and have her pediatrician tell her why. Kids are pretty good at standing-up for themselves if we just give them all the tools. Take for example a conversation from my daughter's childhood:

Kid: Well if you don't play Barbies with me then I just won't play with you and you'll have to play by yourself.

Sarah: So? I play by myself lots of times!

So what I'm saying is if you just give your kids the tools they need to argue effectively they can set their own boundaries. They already know how to do that. They understand their friends better than we do and they know what works. I never worried once that giving my child info was going to hurt her: I did however worry that the lack of it might.

No matter how you talk to your kids however, don't put it off. Open your mouth because even when they aren't listening, they're hearing!

That's my side of it,

Angel