Brothers
and Mindsets
A
very long time ago I had posted something of great importance to me
at the time and one of my brothers cracked a joke that was in poor
taste. He meant no harm but as usual I took it personally. I called
my sponsor to complain about the entire lack of compassion, the
hatred, the self-centeredness of my brother. I was shocked to hear
that my problem was me.
In
AA we say, “The quickest road to a resentment is an expectation.”
What does that mean really? It is as Einstein said, “Everyone is a
genius, but if you judge a fish on it's ability to climb a tree, it
will live its whole life believing it is stupid.”
The
self-centered one in the argument was me. I set an expectation of a
certain behavior I felt was acceptable and when my brother didn't
live up to the invisible ruler (that he, by the way, was unaware of)
I got angry and rude. I decided that he was obligated to live up to
my code of honor... not his.
So
tell me, who am I that I am so important that I should police the
thoughts and senses of others?
It
would be no different than if I said, “Well if you just do
everything MY way I can fix your whole life, NEVER MIND that mine is
in shambles.” So basically once I stirred the shit-pot I got angry
because I had to lick the spoon. Very unfair and childish actually.
As
an alcoholic the only mind-set I can really exercise that will be
beneficial to all is acceptance. I am here to tell you that
being an alcoholic dictates that this is absolutely the least likely
thing I will practice. That is because it is the hardest and it takes
work... not work on my brother's flaws... work on mine.
For
example, I can get very angry at my disease. I can scream, yell,
bite, kick and yes, even drink over it. Will any of that make my
spine whole? No. Neither will my getting upset over a joke of my
brother's make him behave using any other personality than his own.
And in truth, why should he?
So
now, many years later, I am here to say that I must accept that fish
will act like fish, birds will act like birds and cats will act like
cats. This all seems very simple to the rest of the world, but it
has taken me years to try to learn and I haven't tackled it yet. The
thing I did finally come to understand is that trying to fix everyone
else is just a distraction from all the work I have to do on myself.
So I guess I'll live my life now and do my very best to accept that
other people are perfectly capable of living their own lives without
my judgment and interference.
That's
my side of it,
Angel
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