Comedy and Contests!!!!

Alpha Wolf Publishing

Want to help pick a topic for our upcoming book contest? Please go here...http://onlinesurvey.1and1.com/surveys/C2D9B78D-4061-4AD4-AE57-A36BF8596325/a0331e77-dc50-4131-bc78-ed0ea321e40d/

Alpha's Anthology Writing Contest Topics

I think the contest they are having is pretty cool. You get to vote on the kind of things you like to read, like romance or comedy or what have you. That's cool because it challenges us as writers and it lets us know what's popular too... go ahead and enter. You could win free stuff.

Oh my, did I mention comedy? It was apparently a popular post, so because you've been so good I shall try my hand at some more. But remember please I am not mainly a comedic writer. I normally write for teens and soldiers.

(Got a collection of poems, an essay and also some illustrations archived to go into the Vietnam Museum whenever they get it finished!) Did I fail to mention that my family is military? Yes most of them have served.... and for those of you serving now in this terrible war... Thank you from the bottom of my soul!

So let's try to make you smile. Shall we?

Things I need explained!

1. If a vampires can't see their own reflections then why don't they all have beards?

2. Why does contraceptive jelly taste so bad on toast?

3. Why do we use powerful chemicals around the house to kill mold and then serve cheese?

4 Why is it that cigarettes are sold in the front of the pharmacy but medicine for sick people is in the back?

5 If ninjas are invisible then how they get dressed?

6 Why won't they make “O” M&M's so I can spell out “Meow?”

7 If people who like video games are called “gamers” and people who like boats are called “sailors” then why isn't a lazy office temp called a “bad temper”?

8 If laughter is the best medicine then why doesn't my doctor prescribe stand-up comedians?

9 If an apple a day keeps the doctor away... then why are tomatoes lighter, and easier to throw?

10 If Jack Black and Forrest Gump had a baby, would it be called a Black Forrest?

True Story from kindergarten

I was teaching the class about the five senses but since we were having Shark Week, I was using a shark in a lesson as part of the curriculum is making comparisons. The conversation went something like this:

Me. OK class so when a shark tastes something what part of his body does he use?

Class: his mouth!

Me: Very good! If he wants to see something what part of his body does he use?

Class: Eyes

Me Very good! Now when we touch something or feel something we use our hands, but a shark doesn't have any hands so how do you think he feels?

At that moment little Katy in the front row piped up and shouted, “Really bad!”

That's my side of it!

Angel