Alkies, CODAs and ACOAs

My mind is with a friend tonight, my heart too. So many people in this world haunted with the actions of addicts. Suffering at the hands of a loved one. As an addict let me just say.... don't take it personal. And I know you'll respond that they slighted you and of course it's personal.

We as addicts don't think like you. Not even in recovery. We don't see anything more then the hand over our eyes. And if you try to tell us what to do and how to handle it (even when you are 200% correct) expect us to revolt. We have to show you that WE are in charge (even when we are hiding it and you don't see it.) We are out to prove it and it takes YEARS sometimes to stop that behavior. Addiction is a disease that can't be cured, only maintained. They say in AA that the further away you are from your last drink, the closer you are to your next.

And now you are saying, “What a defeatist attitude! It's a wonder anyone ever sobers up!” It isn't defeatist. It's a reminder. It reminds me that even at 23 years sober I CAN NOT EVER take another drug or drink. I will never be able to drink like other people.

My sister says the funniest thing, “Why can't you just have one?” I always think she means like one case. So you see there is no real cure. And be assured that as an alcoholic / addict, if there were one magic pill that cured me.... I'd take four! That my fine friend is not my nature. Truth... that is my mindset.

Alcoholism is an allergic reaction coupled with a mental obsession. Seems easy right? Just don't take a drug or drink and change your mindset. Easy! NO. If I told you to bow down and worship a piece of toast because that was God... would you believe me? Of course not. So you see you can't change your mindset either.

Now you will say... this person is robbing me, stabbing me, violent, hurting me, abusive and cruel. What the hell do I do?

As an addict myself I assure you that staying and care-taking is really only enabling me to use. You can't decide for me that I am an alkie. ONLY I can realize that. The truth is that your best bet is to walk away. Why am I saying that? Because sometimes you just have to love someone enough to do the hard thing.

If it is a child don't abandoned them. Get them in treatment. However, if this is a spouse that refuses help... cut them out of your life. Why? Because we can't hit bottom until we quit digging. If you really want to save us my advice is, save yourself first. That's not selfish. That's survival.

Alcoholism is an incurable disease. I can't take having it personally any more than my husband can be blamed for having diabetes., I suggest you save yourself, go to some open meetings and learn how deep it goes. Then find yourself a good support group and learn to heal.

We'll straighten up whenever we decide we don't have another drink left in us... and not before. It's not your fault and it's certainly not your responsibility. The average alcoholic I am told has high-intelligence. We'll figure it out. And if you truly love us, you let us figure it out on our own.

That's my side of it,

Angel

NOTE AND ADDENDUM FROM MY SPONSOR:

You could mention 'tough love' when dealing with a practicing addict. We tend to love them to death when we can tough love them to sobriety. Do not know why you need my permission to print the truth.

And Happy